So I have been watching this guy on Youtube. He is a doctor and therapist that work with DID patients in the UK. His videos are very good. I watched one this morning on "telling your family and others about your DID" how that can help in your therapy. HUH>>.
He went on to explain the 10 reasons why it is a good thing to open up to others about the DID...I could see all his points, and they are good and positive...However, I tried to open up to my sister with disastrous results. I have been opening up to friends and strangers with our video series, but when it comes to family...fuck....
Years ago, I was specifically told by my dad to never speak to my mother again about the abuse I suffered....so if I open up to them about the DID, I will be breaking my dads rule of never speaking about my past....as far as my kids go....its a crap shoot what they will think.
I blocked all my family on social media....for now, I am just trying to get more comfortable with my new normal, before dealing with them...
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On another note, my advocate and I have been doing private video recordings of me and my alters. He is taping me and showing me "the girls" and when I "switch" so I can see what it is like for me, to be them.....It is very weird seeing myself on video (which I don't remember doing at the time) but seeing Tessa or Sophee or Ally...talking through my body, my voice, is somewhat unnerving....I have seen pictures of them, but to actually see them talking, moving, etc...gives me pause. I look like me, but my mannerisms are different, my voice is different, my eyes are different...its like being an identical of septuplets...7 people who look exactly the same, but different in every other way....
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I believe my advocate is so good at spotting the alters, because he is the father of identical twin girls...so he is use to having two girls who look exactly the same, but are different in every other way....it is an advantage he has over others, I think. And for the most part, he seems to like each of my "girls" and they seem to like him, or at least are indifferent to him, but I know they all "trust" him or they wouldn't front for him.
wouldn't it be a drag, if there was an alter that couldn't stand my advocate or if my advocate couldn't stand a particular alter?! Yikes!
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Its interesting, fear played a huge part in my having DID, getting DID, and fear is my biggest issue with disclosing the DID...fear of rejection, fear of being called a liar, fear of abandonment, fear of ridicule...fear fear fear...
S,T
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