Not all abuse hurts physically. As a child, abuse can be associated with pleasure and love...a child does not understand violent physical abuse is the exact same as soft quiet mental abuse.....
T
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She was laying in her bed with her Chrissy doll beside her. It was so quiet in the house, which was odd...there is almost always yelling and slamming of things...but it was super quiet. Maybe he was not home, she loved when the house was quiet...sometimes if her mom and dad were gone and left the TV on, she would turn it off...just to listen to the silence.
Tonight it was too quiet...she held her doll tight against her, struggling to fall asleep in the quiet....
She heard the soft creak of the door...he is coming....she laid her doll between her and the door on her bed, and closed her eyes tight....
she heard his footsteps, she could smell the peanuts and booze on his breath, she could smell his odor....she closed her eyes tighter.....
she felt his weight on the bed as he sat down and pulled the covers back....she kept her eyes closed...."open your eyes"...he said, and she did....he smiled, and carefully picked up Chrissy and put her to the side of the bed....he then slowly ran his hand over her hair, face and shoulders, arms....it actually felt good, soft and gentle...he said I was such a "good little girl", always waiting for him...
He reached down and scooped her up into his lap....and held her....she was too scared to move or speak, but at the same time, it was odd that he was being so "nice"...
Then his hands moved between her legs, up her thighs...she closed her eyes, waiting for him to get to her "private area"....he laid back on the bed with pulled her on top of him, she could feel something hard on her back, He softly caressed her body, his hands going under her nightgown, pulling at her panties...
He touched her very softly telling her she was so much softer than her mother...and because he loves her so much, she should be happy that he touches her...it shows her his love that he has. He told her one day, as he was massaging her "not there yet breast" that she will have nice breast for men to touch...
He kept lightly caressing her, running his hands up and down her body, gently...AND IT DIDN'T HURT...
After awhile, he got up, put the Chrissy doll back beside her, covered her back up with the blanket and kissed her forehead...and left, quietly shutting the door behind him.
She was so confused? What just happened? but at the same time, she finally felt loved..or at least that is what she thought...He told her she was soft, his touch was sweet...she hoped that every night going forward was nice like this.
It was so confusing to her...what did she do right for him to be nice? Him touching her was really not that bad...in fact, she liked it...it even tickled when he ran his fingertips across her belly...tickling feels good...he did not hurt her, he tickled her and touched her gently...he really does love her...
that night, her sleep was better...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is SOFT ABUSE....he fucked with her at every level, confusing her, making her feel loved and hated all at once...
Abuse hurts, this did not hurt, therefore she was not abused:, no bruises left, no destroyed furniture, no crying, no fear....
at that moment, she knew that she WAS loved and did everything she could to let him know she loves him. She held his hand in public, she would sit on his lap for pictures, she did everything she could to let him know that she loved him...if he stayed "happy" with her, then he would not hurt her, and it would all be okay.
S
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ONLY IT WASN'T....HE FUCKED HER UP AND NOW SHE CANNOT FIGURE OUT LOVE FROM ABUSE FROM PAIN FROM ANYTHING...WHAT THE FUCK IS LOVE??? HER MIND IS PERMANENTLY FUCKED.....SHE WAS SO STUPID TO THINK HIM BEING NICE TO HER WAS ANYTHING MORE THAN HIS OWN FUCKING MIND GAMES..SHE WAS AND STILL IS STUPID. LOVE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A SELFISH ACTION BY MEN TO HURT WOMEN. LOVE IS A KILLING MACHINE.
Sophee
No comments:
Post a Comment