The Royal split...

 So last night I was watching the interview between the royals and Oprah.  They talked about "their" side of the story in their decision to leave Britain and their royal duties and move to America.  They want everyone to understand why they left, blah blah blah....

Well I got to thinking about that.  They were miserable in Britain.  She was treated like an outsider, ridiculed and basically discriminated against.  She became suicidal and was falling apart under the serious regimented life she was forced to live in Britain.   Her man stood by her and took her away, essentially telling the crown to fuck off.....

Now the British are poopooing their interview...denying much of it and taking great offense at the words of the couple.   They will never be able to go back to their homeland, his homeland...the crown is saying much is exaggerations and lies...

I feel a kindred spirit with Megan....in Oklahoma I was married to "john, the crown" and I had to perform for his expectations and his rules,  his god.   I was miserable....but I stayed and did the wife/mom thing...I sacrificed me for them.....just like Harry and Megan....

I finally grew a pair and left John and Oklahoma and family.   I had to do this for me, my mental health, I was also suicidal to the max....

I found a tumor in my brain....I had radiation surgery and for the next 10 years  my mental health went from bad to worse....the tumors started multiplying....and I did not want what time I had left being miserable and unhappy...I had to finally take care of myself...so I left, tumors and all.....

My family blamed the tumors and surgery and consequent head injury to my "change"....they blamed me finally being me, the real me, on TBI....when I couldn't remember shit, they said its the short term memory loss from the radiation surgery...which after reflection, my whole entire life is short term memory loss with nothing to do with cancer and all to do with having alters....

So now, I am putting the brain cancer shit to the side....and am opening up about DID.  I know now, that I was so confused and angry and weird at times because I am not one person but seven people...it was not the tumors changing my behavior...I feel it was the alters finally having an excuse to come forward...the brain surgery and injury just pushed everything more to the surface....for that, I am grateful, because now I understand better why I am the way I am....

However, once my family starts watching the videos, and I become completely out of the closet with my DID, they will push back...just like the royals did Harry...they will say I am lying,  or faking it, they will blame my "confusion" on the tumors, they will probably even try to blame the alters on the brain injury....it will be a he said/she said moment....

I already feel disconnected from my family, and when everything comes out, that disconnect I fear, will become a permanent fixture in my head....I will probably be treated like I was dead, they will stop saying my name,  and I feel they will slowly push me off the mountain, until I don't exist to them anymore....I am trying to be okay with that, but it is a fear I have....I don't want to be "the crazy memaw" ....but I feel that will be how my grandkids grow up to think about me..."Well she lost her mind and left...she is mentally ill"....Having DID is not an illness, its a condition.

I really wish my coming out of the closet was "I am gay", because I feel my family would accept that better than "I have DID"...the seven headed monster.  DID is formed by extreme unrelenting abuse of all kinds to a small child....my mother will be mortified when she finds out, because she KNEW the type of abuse I suffered, she added to my abuse...the guilt, I hope, eats her alive!!!!  But knowing the fine upstanding preachers wife she is, she will say "its not true, there was some abuse, but not what she is saying"....blah blah blah and my preacher dad will concur with her.  My mother would never stand up and admit that everything I have said and remembered were true.  She is a coward and hides behind her bible, like all the other Christian family members...and the majority of Christians do...

Well I am not hiding anymore.  THEIR GOD ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN TO HER...HE ALLOWED A LITTLE BITTY GIRL TO BE BRUTALIZED AND ABUSED OVER AND OVER..THEIR GOD IS NOT LOVE, HE IS HATE...PURE AND SIMPLE.  I SPIT ON GOD...

I am championing for Megan and Harry...go live your life and fuck your royal family....The Royals are not about family...they are about publicity and ruling others....be happy in America...I am also championing for me...I am living my/our life...and fuck my family if they don't understand.  I need to be happy, its my turn now.

S, T, s