So last fall, my advocate and I traveled up to New England. We spent time with my sister and her family. We decided to tell her and her husband about my DID. They were interested, but my sister was more interested in why "she or a family member" was not my Power of Attorney. That upset her more than my mental condition.
See, my sister is all about herself. We have never been close. She is what you call a "Gaslighter". she can be very toxic...Since we revealed to her about my condition, she has not one time asked about it, did research, or even seemed interested in it at all. See, she says "she loves me, etc..." but her actions speak loudly and in the opposite direction. She really doesn't give a rats ass about me. It has been almost 5 mos since she found out, and not one phone call or anything about the subject...
Because of her and the way she treats me, talks down to me, and tries to make me feel like the "bad" sister, I have blocked her from all my social media accounts. In fact, I have decided to block ALL my family and Johns family from my Facebook and all other social media accounts.
Now that this Youtube series is starting to take off, I don't need my family coming in and posting shit about me they do not understand...I don't need them to "Gaslight" me either. It is incredibly hard to come out with DID. It is not a glamorous or a fun diagnosis.
I remember a bible verse that Jesus said something to the effect of "It is hard to be a prophet in your own land"....people watch you grow up, are involved with you so they are the first who will not accept a person....will judge and say "no way, I remember her when...."...which is another reason I have blocked all my family members. I am not ready to battle them....
They never really gave a rats ass about me then, and they don't now. However, my condition is a direct result of the way my mother and former step father abused me, the horror I lived as a child...my family will not want to be reminded of that era...they will buck and kick and deny and every other damn thing. I will be exposing long kept family secrets and they will not be happy.
Until I am ready to "run the gauntlet" of my family, they will remain blocked....I am not trying to hide this from them, but just the baby step of telling my sister, was a colossal failure, so telling the others is not happening right now. I need to keep this from them until I am ready to confront, until I am more comfortable with the girls, and more secure with myself.
Naysayers from strangers is one thing, when its family...that hurts...Plus there are a few family members that I do not want to hurt by revealing this...my dad Jim, I hate that this will fall directly in his lap because he is my moms husband. He will instantly be protective of my mother, as he should be. But he knows the truth, in fact, when I confronted my mom on the sexual abuse and stuff, she burst out crying and locked herself in the bathroom. My dad informed me "we will never speak of this again"...that was 30 years ago.....I have kept silent for those 30 years, but no more....I am tired of having to keep quiet, I am tired of being the victim...Standing up for myself, publicizing my condition and seeking to help others with this condition means I am not the victim anymore!
I am taking a life full of lemons and turning that life into lemonade...
S
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