Eeyore

 Since leaving Oklahoma, I resolved myself to not celebrate the holidays.  For two reasons: One: I am pagan and don't want to participate in christian holidays, and second:  I feel I have no right to celebrate a holiday and be happy when all my family is in Oklahoma without me.  I particularly have a hard time being around my advocates young son, because "why would I make memories with someone else's kid, and shun my own"..I feel guilty around him.

I really have no special christmas memories that stand out, except for when I got my first 10-speed bike.  the rest of the holidays through the years are nothing but a blur.

The memories that still stand out about christmas are horrible and disgusting (read prior entries).

This year, my advocate bought all my alters gifts.  The first time they have ever gotten gifts (except for Ally's birthday parties).  He spoke to each of them separately whenever they were presenting, and asked them what gift they would want.   I had no ideal this was going on.  This was our christmas eve together.

After him and I exchanged our gifts, he one by one, called out each alter and gave them their gifts.

Sophee wanted a dagger.  So the Advocate bought her a wicked cool Wiccan dagger.

Ally:  doll clothes and horses (Santa even brought a build a bear, and stuffed stocking)

Sammy:  a disco ball

Tessa: a jacket that was not BLACK (she doesn't like black clothes)

Lilly and Kaos never told him what they would like.  

It has never occured to my alters to get gifts.  They were caught off guard and had to think about what they might want.

But the kicker.  When I was really little I had a fairy tale book.  It had all kinds of stories in it, and it had Winnie the Pooh stories.  I remember that Eeyore was my favorite.  He was always losing his tail, and always depressed and always hung his head...I related to Eeyore.  I even remember having a small stuffed Eeyore.  My brother ended up with my Eeyore...  

My advocate handed me a big box.  When I unwrapped it, it was a big stuffed Eeyore.  I immediately burst into tears and was so fucking emotional.  He told me months and months ago, that I had mentioned Eeyore as my favorite...and he remembered.  He had no ideal, of course, just how much that little stuffed animal meant to me.  I was forced to let my baby brother have my Eeyore.  Now I had my own, and it is big and huggable.

Every gift he gave me was so thought out, all things I mentioned in passing...he remembered.  He didn't forget the things I say.  I often think he is not even listening to me...but that Eeyore!  He does listen...

I am still amazed at how much he cares for me and my girls.  He takes such good care of me.  He listens to me...

This is the first holiday since leaving Oklahoma, that I will remember and hold close to my heart.

S