DID/liars

 I have to say,  my brain is so fucking bizarre.   One brain (organ) but 6 distinct people live there.  6 other brains...Can you imagine trying to drive a car with 7 engines?  Which engine does what?? One engine may need an oil change, one may need new sparkplugs, but trying to figure out which engine needs what when they are all crammed into a tight space in the car would be a huge task....process of elimination, one brain breaking down, while the others try to keep the wheels rolling...pulling dead weight.

I read that your brain size is approximately the size of your fist being covered up by your other hand..How can 6 other brains fit in that small space?  Does having 6 personalities diminish other functions of the brain?  I think it does.

My memory sucks

I cannot juggle

I can barely even walk a straight line anymore

I am so fucking clumsy, I bump into everything...

I have the hardest time figuring out even the most simplest of tasks

I cannot read, words confuse me after a time...

I go from feeling happy to sad or angry or whatever with the snap of a finger.

I have no patience...

I cannot control my emotions.

Whatever it is that is in the brain that helps with those issues listed above, have been crowded out, pushed out and thrown away...so now I have 6 other brains jockeying for position, making me feel like a crazy insane person.   

To the world, all DID sufferers are liars...been caught in lies, etc...but here is the deal.

One personality may do or say something the other personalities don't know about.  For instance:  Tessa says she is christian.   But Sparrow hates christians and does not act or behave like one.  So all the people who encountered Tessa (thinking it was me) see and hear one thing, then days or so later they encounter me, and I say and act totally differently....I am perceived to be a liar and hypocrite.  Or,  one day I am right handed and tell everyone I am right-handed, then they see me using my left hand and think "why would she lie about being right handed?  she must be a habitual liar...."  I have dealt with people and family calling me a liar my whole life.  Making up all these grandiose fantasies, saying the most bizarre things.   

If all the personalities were like Sparrow, then I would not be perceived as a liar or fake person...they would all act the same, talk the same, think the same, so no one would ever be confused, I would be consistent.  But all my personalities are so fucking different,   they say and do things that I have no ideal what, but others see it, then see "sparrow" and ridicule me.  I am called a liar, manipulator, whatever...Sometimes I even doubt myself..."did that really happen?"  everyone says it never happened, but then I find out it did...(ie..the plane crash), but all my life my family did not believe me, they called me a liar.

This is why coming out and telling my story, revealing my DID is so important.   It validates me, it shows I am not a liar...each alter has their own memories, real memories, just memories I may not know about...they do not lie, they do not try to grab attention, far from it....but people who do not know about DID, just see me, Sparrow.   

Sparrow the actor, liar, attention seeker, fool, idiot and stupid one.   Poor girl.

In reality, all Sparrow is, is a little bird, trying to fly against the wind, trying to be free, trying to live among the vultures and prey that constantly try and clip her feathers...

S

she is not a liar,  I am the christian, not her.  I am the only christian...    T