Reality of Alters

Here is a draw back to having alters.

The day is going good.  I am happy, feel sexy, alive, energetic and in almost no physical pain (headache)...everything about the day is great, almost fucking normal.  Then a conversation comes up, or a video is watched and the alters get upset or disturbed...now all the sudden I am feeling irritated, sad, tired, scared whatever...a great day, shot to shit in the matter of minutes.

The rest of the "good" day, becomes a nightmare of emotional distress.  Gone, is the fun, a possible future sexual encounter, or the rest of my evening...gone is the happiness I was feeling, suddenly replaced by grief in the twinkle of an eye.  Why?  because they, my alters, are always watching or listening.  So, what may not bother me in the least may bother them or one of them horribly...and my day is fucked until my Advocate talks to them and figures out who is upset about what...by then, the day is shot to fucking hell...

This is the worst part of having DID...not being able to control my emotions or thought patterns because it is not just me,  its us. And having a crowded brain is miserable.  

 S