Hand over mouth

I use to have horrid nightmares, terrors.  I would wake up shaking, crying, my heart beating out of my chest, scared to close my eyes again...in fact they were so horrible, I was given a schizophrenic drug to take at night to "stop" the dreams... 

After learning about my DID, recovered memories, moving to another state, and getting off all drugs (doctor prescribed) and dealing with my fears..I started feeling safe again, and the dreams went away.  

After that fuck Chandler employee came after me, screaming at me, threatening me, spitting on me...the dreams have started coming back.  I feel victimized and used and abused all over again.  How dare he attack me like that...he sought me out...he spewed his venom on me...just like my fuck step father, and numerous other men that have done to me my entire life.  This employee scared me so much, but worse, I think he scared Ally..  

Now, this employee is getting away with hurting me.  Just like all the rest got away with hurting me.   Because I am a small woman, insignificant and unimportant.  He looked down on me, called me gross names, spit on me and kept coming towards me...I had to turn and run...but there was no cemetery for me to run too...no safety...in my dreams I keep running...looking for the cemetery...I can feel his breath on the back of my neck...devil worshipper...slut....he wants to hurt me, punish me...

I am having the hardest time, putting this behind me.  I am so tired of men getting away with hurting me, abusing me, taunting me...once again, my voice has been shut...there is a hand over my mouth...again the man, the business is getting away with a crime.  Because I am nothing....

S,sammy