SHIT FOR BRAINS

I swear,  I do not know why I can never find anything....my apartment is organized, everything has its place.  I have to be anal about my things...they have to be in their spot...if they somehow get moved, then I can't find them....it makes me so fucking frustrated..

By my bed, on a table I keep a charger.  IT NEVER LEAVES THE SHELF BY MY BED.  IT IS THE ONLY CHARGER CABLE I HAVE THAT WORKS FOR THE APPLIANCE.                                    THAT CHARGER HAS DISAPPEARED.

there is no way I misplaced it...I am so fucking anal about putting things back in their place...I am obsessive about it, yet its gone.  fucking cant find it anywhere...and that frustrates the goddamn hell out of me.

now i am second guessing myself, which fucks with my brain and feeds my insecurities about myself.  did one of the alters move it???? but why would they, that makes no sense.

what pisses me off the worse, is when I mention to others, "I can't find this or that" they immediately say "join the club, as I get older I forget stuff too"...THIS IS NOT ABOUT AGE...ITS ABOUT MY GODDAMN FUCKED UP GOOD FOR NOTHING USELESS BRAIN.

How can I be more organized??? I can't be...i am organized as much as humanly possible in my home, and yet i still lose shit and can't find shit and it REMINDS ME OF MY SHIT FOR BRAINS.

SO THEN, I can't find my boots.  I know that I had them and I know I put them in a place to take home from the advocates place....couldn't find the boots anywhere, they were not in their space in the closet...they were not at the advocates place....I finally found them in my jeep...I HAVE NO FUCKING MEMORY OF TAKING THEM TO THE JEEP....I HAVE NO FUCKING MEMORY OF ANYTHING...WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHARGER????

living with a fucked up head, alters, is enough to drive me over the edge of sanity.   My advocates house is the polar opposite of mine.  His is a pig sty...shit everywhere...he even has trouble finding his own stuff in his own place...this would make me kill myself if I had to live in a place like his....it works for him, but makes me crazy....I am also uncomfortable at his place because of the mess everywhere,  I can't relax if I am in the middle of chaos...his place is chaos, my place is organized and clean, yet I still can't find stuff....so, even trying to be organized, I am still a fucked up mess.......i should just say "fuck it and let my house become a wreck...then at least there would be an excuse to not be able to find anything .

So today was suppose to be a good day to spend with my advocate on his day off, and it has ALREADY BEEN RUINED..                                   

I HATE MYSELF AND MY FUCKED UP HEAD

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