dry erase board

I do not want to have alters anymore.  I wish I could get them to go away.  

I am so insecure, having them.  As if I wasn't insecure enough, and down on myself enough, I have to deal with a mind that is split into 6 different personalities.  Flitting from one to another, causes headaches and fatigue.  It is unnerving.   

Going through my day and only being able to account for a part of it, is freaky.  I have started jotting down everything I do each day.
for example:
   walked
   cleaned house
   played with rats...etc...

that way, even the mundane is listed...if at the end of the day I go through this, it helps me remember doing each of those items...but, if something else was done and not there on my list, my advocate can fill in the missing pieces of my day.   

I am thinking about trying something.  I cannot communicate to my alters at all.  But I believe all of them can read and write, so I wanna start a white board for them.  Like if I have a question I can jot it down, for example:

Sammy:  what is your favorite song?
  maybe she will answer me back, maybe she won't.

But this may be the key in "communicating with them".  My advocate talks with them all the time...I am in the fucking dark, and I hate that.  It feels like they are doing something or telling secrets behind my back, like I really don't matter.   If I can get them to start communicating with me, through a dry erase board, then maybe I can "like" them better.   We tried this once before, a long time ago...and it failed, but I want to try again.   

I feel the only way I will be able to become "at ease or comfortable" with them is if I can talk to them, somehow have some type of control.  

I am gonna ask my Advocate to call out each alter and explain to them about the dry erase board.  When it was done before,(the board) the alters didn't know about it?  don't know, but if my advocate can talk and explain the board, my wishes and needs to communicate with them, maybe they will use the board to speak to me.....then maybe I can see more into their mind and we can integrate better.

So today, I am off to buy a dry erase board and stand.   

S