BDSM

I am gonna talk about BDSM.  Before the "50 Shades of Grey" movies,  BDSM was "in the closet".   I had never heard of that lifestyle until the movie.  But what is interesting, is that I have always craved pain.  I have always craved to not be in control.  To be controlled by another.  I would seek out men, I knew would "hit" me, in a way I craved....despite being married, I sought out those men and lived this "secret life".  Maybe it was because of my childhood, being hit and beat, tied up, etc...left a scar of some sort.  In my head, I equated love with punishment, so in order to feel "loved" I needed to be hit or punished in some way.  I know it sounds bizarre or even sick to think that way, but millions of people all over the world live this lifestyle.  There are submissives, slaves, Doms, Daddys, Masters, kittens, littles, all kinds of kinks that hide behind closed doors.  I have been studying BDSM,  I am a submissive.  I submit to a Master.  BDSM:  Bondage-dominance-sado-maschocism.   I am also a masochist.  I like pain, I crave pain, pain is sexual to me...My problem finding random men to hit me or give me pain was so hard...they did not know how to correctly distribute the pain. They had no clue where to strike me to stay away from vital organs. One man, hit me so hard I fell back, slammed my head and got a head injury that, I believe, led to my initial brain tumor.   

When I discovered BDSM, I was elated.  So happy that I was not "weird" or "demented", I was normal, as BDSM is a normal lifestyle, a different lifestyle, but normal.  As a submissive,  I submit to a Master.  I take care of him (much like a wife), I anticipate his needs, I show him respect,  I refer to him as Master or Daddy.  If I have an issue with say, my landlord, he takes care of it.  He is my fixer.  Any issue I have, he steps in and takes care of it.  He is my defender, always has my back, and I, his.  I know this sounds like a marriage.  in BDSM a collar represents a type of marriage between two people.  I wear a titanium silver collar around my neck.  It is locked and cannot be taken off, only Master has the key.  As a Master, he is extremely intelligent, slow to anger, very patient, and knows me.  A Master has studied the art of discipline and pain.  He knows exactly the places on my body to strike me, if I want pain yet not hurt me internally.  He knows when I have had enough of the pain, he reads my body.  In the beginning we had a "safe word".  A safe word, is a word that you two agree on.  It is too be said during a "scene" if it is too much to bear.  Just say the safe word and it stops.  A master always respects the safe word. 

So what is in it for the master/daddy/dom?  As a submissive I have given all control to my master.  My body is his, my heart is his, my soul is his....if master wants sex, master has sex.  If master wants me to sit naked beside him while watching TV..then that happens.  A master also is a master at love making.  I had never before in my life experienced sex like this.  He showed me my G-spot.  He showed me what "squirting" was, he has opened my eyes to the beauty and awe of sex.  With him, sex is all about pleasing me.  He makes sure I am completely satisfied and satiated before he has his pleasure...and since he so completely pleases me, I do the same for him, when it is his turn.  Our "scenes and sex" can last for hours...a master IS NOT A MINUTE MAN  he can control his erections without medication.

We talk about everything.  Our sexual fantasies (which he tries to make happen for me) our thoughts, everything.  Our souls are laid bear to eachother.  A master also has skills.  He can turn off a light switch on a wall with a bullwhip.  When he uses the bull whip on me (which I like) it only strikes my butt area.  The safe area.  All our toys are built by him...We have many dungeon toys,  and I have many corsets and sexy clothing to wear for scenes.  We have gone to dungeons and played many times...BDSM makes me feel alive and beautiful.   Our relationship has no rules.  If I wanted to play with another guy or girl,  I tell Master, and he finds and vetts them.  If he says they are okay, then I play with them, but Master is always around, to make sure things don't go to far and I am safe.  The same goes for him, but I am still "weird about him being with another" so for now, we are monogamous to eachother, sexually.   He also administers punishment if I step out of line of in my submission.  He has wooden paddles or uses his leather belt to spank me.  And it is not "play" spanking...it fucking is an out and out spanking, (if it was too much punishment I have the safe word) sometimes leaving bruises...which I call "masters artwork".  I love getting the bruises...I love when he leaves marks.  When the bullwhip is used, I will bleed...and he licks the blood off me.  After a "scene" or punishment, he will gently nurse my wounds and hold me until I am better, this is "aftercare".  which is vital.  I am being punished then loved...like with children...you punish them, then you love them...my whole life, I was punished but not loved....this does not happen in BDSM, at least not for us.  

as with any activity, there are fuckers who don't respect a safe word, who are only in it for their own sexual gratification, these are "fake doms", guys who only think with their dicks.  A master has years and years of training and experience,  my master has 20+ years in this lifestyle.  I have now been a submissive almost 3 yrs.

Also my master is aware of and knows my alters.  He caters to their needs, wants and desires too.  He is daddy to my Ally.  (if we are in a scene and Ally fronts for some reason, the scene stops and he becomes her daddy) the alters also know what a safe word is, and if for any reason, they don't want to "play", they can say the safe word, and all play or punishment is immediately over.  Many many women in this lifestyle also have alters,  I am not alone.  I know another submissive with alters and the lifestyle works for her and her Master.  

BDSM has no boundaries...it can be anything a person wants it to be in their life...there is no moral compass, nothing to make a person feel embarrassed or ashamed.  BDSM is freedom to be who you are in every way...IT IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL PAIN AND VIOLENCE...that is a small part and a part with mutual agreement.  Doms don't go around being women beaters...its not just about sex.  It is a lifestyle,  there are also slaves.  These people give up their rights to everything, financial, jobs etc...They are different.  I have my own apartment.  My money is mine.  My master has his own apartment, and his own money.  We share,  we have two apartments to live...one in the trees with critters everywhere, and one in the middle of a city with nightlife and public activities.  We have the best of both worlds, a city apartment and "country" apartment.  We talk and text all day while he is at work, and see eachother everyday as a rule.  I have rules:  I have to answer the phone when he calls..when I smoke weed, I have to do it topless, he likes to look at me.  Whatever he asks me to do, I have to do it.  He would never ask me to do anything that would harm me mentally, physically or emotionally.  And I always have a safe word, no matter what.  We do not live together because I want to have my own place...I have never lived alone and I crave my own space.  Master is completely okay with that.  He has a key and can be here at any time day or night.  I have a key to his place too.

The love, attention, protection, guidance, reassurance and affirmations he gives me, I have NEVER gotten from any man.  I am his world, and he is mine.  He is my god.  He knows what I need, he knows what I want, he takes ultimate care of me...he is my body guard, disciplinarian, daddy, fixer, helper, lover.  And I am his except for the discipline part!  My Master has my back no matter the situation.  He is my champion, he is my voice and he is my heart.  and I am his.

BDSM obviously is not for everybody,  just like any other lifestyle.  but for me, it is who I am.  I am a submissive at heart and mind.  And my partner is my Master.  My everything.

S