My advocate knows when Ally, Kaos and Lilly were "born" into my head, but he does not know Tessa or Sophie or Sammy where "born"....but, the other day, I had another bad spell, mentally, and Sophie was out, smoking (she smokes cigarettes) and my advocate asked her when she was "born"...here is her answer:
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A little girl was in the kitchen with her mother, she did something ( do not remember what) but it pissed off her mother. Her mother picked up a kitchen item (again, don't remember what) and began hitting the little girl about the head, neck and shoulders...the little girl crouched up on the floor and was crying, trying to protect herself against the blows....at some point during the constant blows by the mother, the little girl snapped inside.....she jumped up and started fighting back...she hit her mom, grabbed at the item her mother had in her hand and hit the mom with it, she kicked her mom, she bit her mom, and she fought and bit and screamed until the mother stopped hitting her....at the point of her emotional snap....Sophie emerged. Sophie is her body guard, the one who physically fights for her, Sophie is big as life and very tough...nothing hurts Sophie...Sophie does not allow anyone to hurt or demean the little girl again....Sophie will fight...Sophie has been my fighter alter my entire life.
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In the scheme of things, the "birth" of Sophie was not that bad of an event. As a child, I had been hurt way worse than the day my mom hit me in the kitchen....but Sophie must have been building in strength and that day in the kitchen was when she was big enough to start fighting back....my mom never hit me like that again....I scared her, with my violent attack on her.....I do not know how old I was when all this happened, but it was between the age of 5 and 8, I am sure...
So what we know for sure:
Kaos: was born when I witnessed my dad raping my mother.
Sophie: when my mother was hitting me in the kitchen
Ally: was used for bait, to keep her sister and brother safe, to take the blame for everything...Ally is also my stress relief....as she loves to play with her dolls and color and draw horses...
Lilly: started as a chrissy doll...she was my protector, my sentinel if you will. She absorbed the pain, that I endured growing up, whether it was physical, mental or emotional...Lilly can take physical pain in order that I (Sparrow) don't hurt. She also holds memories...Lilly is 30 yrs old.
I am not sure when Tessa was born. Tessa mimicks me. She fronts all the time as Sparrow and only the keen eye can tell us apart. I believe that Tessa was born to help me navigate adulthood and parenthood...She drives, cooks, cleans and interacts with others (and the others think it is Sparrow). She is smart, went to college. She, I believe, gives my head rest...when I am overwhelmed or confused or over tired, she takes over and finishes my tasks or day so I can rest...
I am not sure when Sammy was born either. But all Sammy is is my rest. Sammy is stress relief, she loves music and dances. She does not speak at all, but uses sign language to communicate, even though she can hear. Often times a hand was held over her mouth to keep her quiet during assaults. I believe she was born after a deaf friend I had when I was very small...my friend (I am gonna call Sylvia) came over to visit, and her and I would be very quiet, and she would sign to me and me back...Sammy is very quiet, modest and easy.
all of these girls/alters help me traverse my day, my life. They are part of the mechanism of my brain....they are permanent.
S
PS. My advocate talked with Sophee and asked her basically when she was born...we figured it was when the incident happened as described above. Sophee told the advocate that she was there before that happened. That was the first time she fought someone other than myself back. Also Sophee does not know how old she is, the alters have no concept of time...
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