drunks

So yesterday, my advocate and I went to a friends place for a barbecue for the 4th of July.   Ordinarily I like his friend and have enjoyed my time there.  However,  soon as we walked into his place and sat down, the friend looked at me and said "who am I talking to today?" or something like that,  a joke about my DID.  It unnerved me so bad, immediately Lilly was standing at my shoulder...

I decided to blow it off, after all, if I am going to be open about my condition,  then I need to take the comments....He was not trying to be rude or make fun of me...he was just being a smart ass...

We were in the kitchen and he was slicing stuff for the burgers and I went in to help, I asked him where the knives were and he all the sudden got angry and started saying "I can't multi task" blah blah blah...he kept going on and on about me bugging him, so I left the kitchen.

Then he got really rude to another guest that was there, he talked down to and belittled this gentleman.   Also, he was getting very drunk.  I tried like 3 or 4 times to contribute to a conversation but was repeatedly cut off and ignored.  Not just by the friend, but even the advocate...so I sat back and just listened to them talk....

The drunker the friend got, the more uncomfortable I got...he was really starting to piss me off, so I told the advocate that I needed to leave....after a bit, the advocate and I left.  The drunk friend was starting to make me think about my ass hole stepdad who abused me...he was reminding me of him and I was getting more and more uneasy...

I also felt so bad for the other guy that was being "bullied" by the friend.  But that guy took it in stride, he must be use to it.  whatever...I wasn't having one bit of it.  This friend was being an asshole and a colossal jerk.  Ordinarily the friend is nice and fun, but once he starts drinking he became a jerk.   In fact, we got there early and he was already three sheets to the wind....what a host!

I cannot stand being around drunks.  Especially white fat men who are drunk...too similar to my step dad,  creepy and gross...I don't know if I ever want to be around the advocates friend again.  

The friends behavior so unnerved me, later that night as I was sleeping I had a horrible dream.  I have not had nightmares or terrors in over a year...so this dream freaked me out.

In the dream...
    I was sitting at the dinner table, drawing horses on paper...and he came home.  The front door opened and I could smell the peanuts before his head cleared the door way.  He was home.  He was yelling and walking towards me, in the dream I had trouble grabbing my pictures, it was like they were glued to the table top, and he was walking towards me,  in the dream I was so scared...Then he said "look at me" and when I looked up into his face, it was not my step dad, but the advocates friends face I saw.

I jerked awake.   

I cannot be around this friend anymore if he is drinking and or drunk.  He is too much a reminder of the fuck that abused me....
and I struggle enough trying to navigate this mental condition I have without having to fight horrible memories brought on by some drunk...

Anyhow,  my advocate took care of the situation and he got me out of there and nobody knew the real truth as to why we left....good.

S