fat fuck

So, because of the holidays, then the 2 mos home quarantine because of the fuck virus shit, I have went from 100 pounds to 116!  16 fucking pounds.....this is what I weighed when I was so unhappily married.  I am so frustrated.

I have been walking/running for almost 2 weeks, eating less than 1300 calories a day, and this morning the fucking scale said 116...when 2 days ago it read 113.   I am really depressed...I have been busting my ass, dieting and fucking gaining weight.

I look horrible naked.  fat dimples and jello fat all over my ass and thighs....I HATE THE WAY I LOOK AND FEEL.

I cant bare to look at myself, naked.  Imagine how I feel if somebody else sees me naked...mortified, gross, undesirable, disgusting...that is how I look....

So, I felt like I was doing good...exercising, being more active, taking Boomer walking, going kayaking, hiking and I am doing nothing more but packing on the fucking pounds......

My advocate let me buy these fat laced chips for Ally....well fuck that...those fucking chips are going in the trash can.....fuck Ally and her fat self...Sparrow is the host, she has the body...fuck any alter that thinks they can fucking eat shit junk food....

I refuse to buy bigger clothes, and the ones I have now are so fucking tight and uncomfortable....I AM SO MISERABLE IN MY OWN SKIN AND BODY.  I FUCKING HATE THE WAY I LOOK....I AM A FAT FUCKING GROSS SLOB.

I don't want anybody looking at me, or touching me....Not until I feel like I am looking better...for me to have sex now, after getting on the scale and being so fucking deflated, would be torture and humiliation.   

My fat fuck body is humiliating to look at, touch, everything....I wish I had a burka....I would wear it.

I know I am not obese, or fat by societies standards, but for my small bones, short stature and stumpy legs, being 10-16 pounds overweight stands out like a fucking sore thumb.....

'LOOK AT HER, SHE IS A GROSS FAT FUCK'
WATCH IT WIGGLE
YOU CAN PUT WATER IN THE DIMPLES OF HER CELLULITE

AGAIN, I hate being me.   I hate my head, my alters, and I hate my body, I hate my age, I hate myself.

S