DID ignorance

So last night my advocate had me watch a video of a UK doctor who treats DID patients.  He answered 20 of the most questions asked about DID.

In going through each of the 20 answers, I found myself in all of his answers.  But the coolest part was, everything he does and the way he treats DID patients is the exact way my advocate does me.  My advocate is no doctor or shrink.  But he is way intelligent and reads and learns but best of all, he watches and observes me.  He could be a doctor, when it comes to this disorder.   

The doctor explained that DID patients can go years and years and never know that they have the disorder.   THAT IS ME

He also said that treating DID patients can't be done in an hour session.  It takes years, as trust has to be built for the alters to present.  And treatment does not make them go away, or "heals" you.  No medications can change it.  Treatment is teaching you how to integrate the alters, how to come together and work together.  How to have a life.  To be a team.

He even talked about MRIs, that DID is an actual condition that shows up on MRI's.  huh.

I kept thinking about that video.  I thought about it all night, so sleep wasn't the greatest. 

Also, I recently talked with a girl on social media who said she had DID, but it is not as bad anymore......WTF???  DID is not BAD.  and she obviously does not have it, she probably has panic attacks and anxiety.  This just proved to me the obstacle I have in front of me....society really has no clue as to the true nature of DID.  I feel she just really doesn't know what it is, maybe heard of it and self-diagnosed herself with it...
( I talked more with this woman and turns out she has disassociative disorder...not DID but very similiar.)

When we go public, I will have to be ready for nay-sayers and misinformation, not only with regular people, but doctors too.  Some doctors flat deny DID, saying it is just severe PTSD.  

Of course DID people have PTSD...it took a severe trauma in childhood to cause the brain to split.   But not all PTSD people automatically have DID.

DID forms when the brain is still forming, impressionable and growing....an adult who is kidnapped, raped for days or whatever, will most likely develop PTSD and other emotional conditions because of the trauma, but not DID.

DID is probably established with the trauma happening in childhood.  When the child associates the trauma with the very people that are suppose to love them.

For  me,  my parents horribly abused me, but then they turned around and fed me, clothed me, and gave me shelter and a bed.  To me that was love, yet they did unspeakable things too me that I, in my little brain, could not accept as love..so confused...that the brain split.

Each alter has a point of birth.  And a reason for being.  They have specific "jobs" within my body and mind.  There are physical changes.  Sometimes I know when I am "fronting" an alter.  Sometimes I have no clue one is fronting and out and about.  

The brain is a weird organ.  I am trying to be clinical in my approach to them.   I am trying real hard to be detached from them when I write.  But even now as I am typing, I see "Lilly" hovering just over my right shoulder in my peripheral vision.  I am not sure why she is here.....maybe I am getting angry about something....

So, I am done blogging today.   I need to relax my thinking mind and let "Lilly" front or not....

So, on another note.  I had a friend on facebook unfriend me from both my pages.  One of the pages is about my DID and lifestyle, the other is my public page.   She has decided that she cannot deal with me and the alters.  She does not understand, so therefore she is dumping me.  Instead of trying to learn and understand, she is like "fuck you, I am out of here"....THIS IS THE FUCKING STORY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.  I will never have "friends" the conventional way.  I will never have a girlfriend who accepts all of me.   I am destined to be alone....I will have all kinds of "curious" lookieloos...acquaintances who say "they are my friend" but only because I am different and they are waiting for the DID show.

DID is another people killer....a friend killer...a marriage killer...a family killer....DID promotes isolation and condemnation and is not a condition that is conducive to "real friendship".  It is not like cancer, where that is socially acceptable and embraced by the public...DID is a freak condition...like the people born with two heads or whatever...only I have fucking 6 heads....

I will NEVER be looked upon as a real person.  I will never have a real "girlfriend, best friend"...my advocate is all I have.  I am truly so fucking alone in my  misery of DID.  

That is the real travesty of DID.  Not the trauma that caused it, but the "drama" people give you.  The ignorance and abandonment that happens, and the fucking "lip service" only people give to pacify me.  No better than the fucking christians with their "I will pray for you bullshit."   Instead of a person trying to learn and understand this condition and treat me like a whole person, they will just flat fucking leave you.  Just like that.  

ABANDONMENT AND TRAUMA ALL OVER AGAIN, AND AGAIN AND AGAIN....

S 
I believe Sophie wrote that last line....