Roommates

I am fucking amazed at how these alters act and react.   They flit in and out all day long......

It amazes me that each alter has their own identity.  They are all different from me, Sparrow.   Its like a distinct family of 5, all in my head.

They each have their own quirks, likes, dislikes, mannerisms, looks, ideals and way of thinking.   Some are left handed, some are right.  Eye colors change, facial features change, body movements change, with each alter.

I am beginning to think that one of the alters has a heart murmur.  So many times, a doctor will tell me I have a murmur, then other doctors say I do not.   I wonder which alter presents that has the heart murmur....

Some of the alters remember everything, whereas Sparrow can't remember shit.  Some alters give me headaches, while others don't...they have different taste in food,  and one alter does not like my tattoos, so I only get tatts on one side of my body....a compromise with Sophie.

My advocate watches me all the time.  Even when I don't know he is looking at me...he can now tell when an alter is fronting, or when I am getting ready to switch, he is learning by my actions which alter is which.  He has told me so many times that my alters are very good at mimicking Sparrow.   

They must be, because nobody has ever noticed them before.  Nobody has paid that much attention to me to even notice when my behavior is "odd" or different or out of character.   I think most people just thought I am weird.....If they only knew the truth!

I really think, that when I become more public and open about having DID, and more and more people start finding out, especially family members, that they will all go "well that explains that"...haha

I believe that my advocate is going to start a YouTube series/show on DID.  Using me, and the knowledge he has sustained to introduce DID to others.  There are alot of DID videos out there,  but each case is different and special to that person.   The more people that put their DID out there, the more the public will see how individual it is and commonplace.   And that we are not "crazy" or "demented" or "broken" as Hollywood likes to portray...

I am not afraid of putting my life out there...I am an open book, and try to be as honest as I can be.  But,  I am nervous too....I don't handle rejection well, so I will not be reading any comments to his YouTube video.

This is not a condition I am particularly fond of...not a condition I would seek out to have, or fake that I have...I would love to be "normal", but I am not.  It is not my fault I have these alters...it is my mothers fault and my step fathers fault.  PERIOD  now I have to learn to deal with it and be okay with the alters.   

And I am trying.  Having all these alters, especially when learning about them, is like being locked in a small room with 5 other strangers...you have to learn their names, their opinions, their likes and dislikes.  You have to learn to trust them, and get along with them because I will never be able to let them out of that small room...they are live in roommates forever.  We all have to make compromise to live together.   I am trying so hard to do just that.

My alters are no longer strangers.  But new friends I am just now getting to meet.  Hopefully, we will learn to live together in harmony.

S