Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day.   Just what exactly does that mean?  Does that mean that all the kids in the world are suppose to have lunch with their mom and celebrate her "motherness"?  Is it a day to reflect on the love you have for your mother, the thankfulness of all the things she has taught you and your appreciation of her??  Is it a day that kids are suppose to treat their mom like a Queen?

Not all mothers deserve praise and adoration.  Some mothers need to be bitch slapped in the face and kicked in the ass.

I DID NOT HAVE A MOTHER growing up.  Yes, my mother was alive, but that is it.  She did not teach me how to cook, how to clean, how to sew, she did not teach me how to share.  She did not teach me how to do my make up.  She never took me shopping for clothes except school clothes.  We never went to dinner together, just her and I.  We never sat down and talked about sex or me getting my period or boy problems or anything.  She does not call me to check on me or to just chat.   My mother taught me hate, confusion and fear.

I learned to stay out of her line of sight.  I learned to leave a room when she entered it.  I learned that she did not want me, that she would have aborted me if she was able too....My mother handed me over to her sick fuck husband to use and abuse.  My mother shared me with him...

My mother never came to any of my school activities.  She did not support or watch any of my softball games, or gymnastic shows.  She did not praise a good report card.   My mother scorned me, yelled at me and hit me with any item she could get her hands on.

However,  my mother did "put a roof over my head"  "she fed me and clothed me" and she bought me luggage for my high school graduation.  In other words, get the fuck out of my house.

So, do I wish my Mother a happy mothers day???  NO.  but since I am a bigger person than her, I will send a card.  

I tried to be the mother to my kids, that I did not have.  I loved them and cherished them.  I supported them in every one of their endeavors.  I cheered them on when they were happy, and I cried with them when they were sad...I was there for them their entire life.   I lived and died for my kids.

BUT, when I decided to leave their father so I could have MY life and finally be happy...my kids scorned me.  One will not even speak to me anymore.   So, what I have learned is that, no matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you sacrifice for someone, no matter how much you do for someone, in the end...it doesn't matter...you still get kicked in the teeth and thrown away like trash.

So no HAPPY MOTHERS DAY for me.   My mom sucked and obviously the apple does not fall far from the tree.  My kids think I suck too....

Maybe I am just like my mom...a fucking nightmare bitch.  Imagine a mother wanting to be happy....fuck that.  For me to be happy I had to sacrifice my kids, apparently...so be it.

I am a selfish, self centered, narcissistic, dumb ass stupid bitch mother.  Happy Mothers day to me.

S