broken vows

So, my "husband", we are legally separated, was on TV again.  
He told me which program/episode.  

I watched it.   I have been gone, literally 1000 miles away for 2 yrs.  I stopped wearing my wedding ring, even before I left him.  But on the show, he was still wearing his wedding ring.  

He tells me he still loves me and wants me back.   He has no clue the kind of person I am now.  It hurts me to see that wedding ring on his finger.  I feel dirty, I feel guilty.  I can't feel love for him, yet he still loves me and wears his wedding ring on National television.

The questions he must get..where is your wife?  what is up?  my god, I am the fucking bitch that walked out on the "important" man, and family.  I am that dead beat mom...

He looks like the saint, the good person.  Still wearing his ring, praying for me, being the fine upstanding citizen, while I, the fuck wife, decided to bail....

I am the "horror" of the horror story that John is now having to live.  Unfair to him....he is a good person.  I AM NOT A GOOD PERSON...OBVIOUSLY
I have broken every "vow" i took with him.  I made a mockery of a long term marriage...who the fuck walks away from 34 yrs of marriage????

Me.  the woman with DID.  The confused freakshow.  I deserve everything that has happened.  I deserve the guilt and humiliation I feel, every time I see that wedding ring on his finger.  the guilt burns my very soul.

If I even have a soul..

S