pearl earring

My newest stepdad is military.  He traveled alot to different countries and would bring my mother gifts, usually jewelry.  Once he brought her beautiful pearl stud earrings...

In high school, I wanted to "borrow" her pearl studs, I wanted to wear them, she never wore them, so I asked permission to wear them and she said okay.

well through the course of the day, one of the earrings fell off...I lost it...I was frantic to find it, I looked everywhere, retraced my steps...but it was lost for good..I had to tell my mom.

She was furious, to say the least.   "I knew you couldn't be trusted", "you lose everything, you are good for nothing",  "you don't know how to take care of anything, you disgust me." etc...was my mom...

I felt so bad, I started saving my money, I was going to buy her new real pearl earring studs, to replace the one I lost...I worked my ass off saving money.   When I had enough, I went and bought her some new pearl studs.

I was excited to give them to her....so that night after she came home from work, I went into her bedroom and gave them to her...

She looked at them, then at me, and she threw those earrings at me..."I don't want those,  you wasted your money...now get out of my room"...

I was beyond crushed...I felt bad for losing the first pair,  and wanted to make it up to her so bad....but my mother would not have it....she hated me, would not accept my gift and apology, but made me feel like shit all over again.

I left the earrings on the floor and walked out....later I found those earrings in the trash.....the earrings I worked and saved money for, the gift I thought my mother would appreciate, thrown away like garbage, thrown away like me.....

I am nothing but garbage.....

S