Fear

I am so fearful of opening up to others about my alters...
fear of rejection
fearful of being called a liar
fearful of what others will think
fearful that I will become a "joke"
fearful of the damage they cause
fearful of being locked up..
fear of being judged...
fear of pushing away family
fear of hurting my family

I know their are so many others with my condition..do they feel the same way?  did they feel that way?  do they even tell other people, or do they keep it quiet?

I have to let others know, because some of my alters post on my social media, and it is frightening some of what they post...many people don't understand why I post the way I do....I don't want anyone thinking I am just looking for attention or compliments...that can't be further from the truth....I just want to be validated and believed and treated with respect, like I try and treat others.   

But one thing I have to make clear:

I do not talk to my alters
I do not hear them talking in my head
I am not aware when they are out
I lose so much time
I get confused very easily
they do not come out all at the same time
I am learning the triggers (that bring them out)
I cannot bring them out, by just "calling them", doesn't work that way
I have no control on what they say or do
I do not physically see them, in my head, but I can kinda see a silhouette off my right shoulder of one of the alters...
I can feel when my little girl wants out, I feel a giggle deep in my chest...that is her...
My alters will not come out if YOU call them, they will not come out at all for strangers..

So many people think this disorder, DID, is not real...but it is...the brain can do so many things that science can't quite understand...but alters do not happen in adulthood,  they come to being by severe trauma as a child ..up to the age of 9.   They are a way of the childs brain to cope with and deal with the trauma,  but they stay with her, even after the trauma is over and the person is all grown up...they never go away.

Some of my alters are very active, while some are not.  They are very good at imitating me, Sparrow.   

To know if you are talking to an alter, you have to know Sparrow.  You have to know me intimately.  the alters have their own quirks, as do I....

so you have to know me, then when you encounter an alter, you are more apt to realize it..but they mimic me at times and are very stealth!

S