cover feelings and others

Painstaking numbness sometimes overcomes her in waves
she realizes there is no reality, in her mind..
But she feels no shock
she sees their lips move, but no sound reaches her ears.
so she imagines conversation..
then her numbness breaks, noises crush her senses
she struggles to understand the message.
but, she is only left standing, holding a secret,
one she does not understand.
she wishes for obscurity, experiencing knowledge,
that eats away at her self-esteem.
she searches for an oblivion to call her own,
the painstaking search for numbness..
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What do I think about death?
I think about a young girl dying my arms.
I see a young man, pleading for his life, as it was taken brutally from him.
I reflect on a bloody corpse being scraped off a road.
I watched my uncle being ravaged by cancer
as he waited to die.
What do I think about death?
I wonder how I've eluded it,
I should have been the young girl,
I should have been the young man, pleading..
I should have been the body on the road.
what do I think about death?
when will it be my turn?
How will I die?
will anyone miss me?
where will the guilt be?
I think about death....
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Cover Feelings

I cover feelings, I lie about pain.
I color over memories to spare others.
I smile, when I want to scream.
afraid of turmoil inside, I exaggerate happiness.
I present gaiety, when I wrap gloom
I lie about achievements, to cover disasters.
I lift others up, as I am falling...
I soothe others hurts, when I am bleeding inside.
I give to others, as I take from myself.
I try to protect family,
when I am so vulnerable.
I have such a brave front,
It hides the coward inside....