Am I ready?

So yesterday, I dipped my toe into the water, and came out to two of my friends about the DID.  I was so nervous, scared, and my hands shook.   I have an advocate who was with me, and did all the explaining as I really don't know these alters...

As we all talked,  one friend started asking questions about the validity of DID, expressing doubt...not because he thought I was lying, but he just don't know anything about DID except what Hollywood movies portray....

Some of his questions and comments really stung me, stung them, I think...cause I had a surge of anger so much I wanted to jump out of my chair and punch him in the face.....

But, I didn't, and the anger urge, passed....

If I am going to become more open and public about having multiple personalities, I have to be able to handle the nay sayers and those who ridicule or dismiss me...because I know there will be a landfall of those....

My friend, was not trying to diss me or put me down, he just doesn't understand and he was being honest and I fucking appreciate that so much.   The evening ended up being a wonderful evening.   

Later that night, I was talking with my advocate and I told him about the surge of rage and urge to punch the friend in the nose..as we talked it became apparent that that urge was my alter "Sophie" she was trying to front, but I believe "Lilly" held her back...because Lilly was over my shoulder most of the conversation....I believe "Lilly" is the palace guard of all the alters...but I am not sure...

Also, when I feel that rage feeling, I feel it in my hands, and I clench my fists...I never realized I clench my fists....I believe, maybe, that is the tell-tell sign of "Sophie", the clenching of my fists....All the alters have tell-tell signs....

Lilly,  fronts in silhouette form just behind my right shoulder
Ally,  I get an overwhelming urge to giggle, deep in my chest
Sammy,  dances
Sophie,  "clenches fist?"
Kaos, I don't know, I am still learning about her....
    (I do not choose their names, these are the names they gave themselves).  Kaos is a very excitable alter, she fronts quickly and and leaves as quick as flipping a switch..she is very "wound up".  

She may have gotten her name from watching the show "Get Smart" which ran on television in the 60's...but don't know for sure, other than alters are created in childhood...and that show was very popular at the time of my severe abuse as a child....but this is only a working theory, as my advocate has not really been able to talk with her...

So overall, the first coming out to friends, went good and I am glad we did it.   Hopefully this will help me get a thicker skin so I can deal with those who think I am "faking" or whatever...

S