sugar mama

What the fuck is wrong with me?????  I am so fucking angry all the goddamn time....I literally hate myself.....years of abuse, years of being taken advantage of, years of selfish self-centered kids and husband, years of being made to feel guilty by christians...Years of being lied too, misled, and handled....my entire goddamn fucking life has been just one big ass clusterfuck.....

Now I am away from all that, and my life is still a clusterfuck...but now I see someone I love being taken advantage of, used, and then treated like shit....I am sick to death of the "good guy" mentality "no, I don't need any money....I have all the money in the world, all the time in the world and nothing better to do than to fix things for other people who are too fucking miserly to get it fixed themselves...why not???  because I enjoy being taken advantage of.....and I can't say "NO"....

So, I speak my mind to this "friend", tell him my thoughts on people using him, and I am chastised and basically told to mind my own business.....

Everytime I say something, I am shut down and told differently.  My opinions and thoughts do not fucking matter.... I am constantly made to feel like an idiot and everything is my own damn fault.  I am not allowed to speak my mind without condemnation and being talked down too....

I listen to this "friend" talk about his frustrations in being used, at work and by others...yet when I say something, anything..;I am shut down, and given excuses for why he continues to let EVERYONE use him....co-workers, aquaintances, family, old girlfriends, other girls, and the list goes on and on......

All the while, I am helping him get out of debt.....so as long as I have money, he does not need to charge others for his services...he has a sugar momma....I want to help him, but it is hard when I am doing so much for him financially and others are using his good nature to stiff him ....at least, I am paying for all the things he does for me....I WILL NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM...

it fucking eats me up inside all the people who have taken advantage of him, lied to him and used him....and it eats me up that he allows this.....all those people wanting him to fix something for them, but those people do not socialize with him, they do not invite him places, they don't call him unless they need something,  they are not even his friends and they treat him like dog shit on the bottom of their shoes at work....yet, he lets them.....

I try and defend him, but I am chastised if I say anything negative or not "what he wants to hear"...so it is time to just keep my fucking mouth shut....if he doesn't care that people use him, then I guess I shouldn't care either....except I do, because I love him......