Super Hero's

.First off, you do not have to be a soldier to have PTSD.
You can be a battered wife, sexually abused child, medical malpractice victim...any number of issues or experiences can bring on PTSD   Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

It has been made abundantly clear, I suffer from PTSD...mine brought on by extreme mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse as a young child and into my adulthood...

My PTSD presents itself in a number of ways:

I have over the top emotional reactions
inappropriate emotional outburst
exaggerated fears
severe mood swings
anxiety and apprehension of certain things, smells, places, etc...

I also have DID, MPD, or whatever the fuck the medical establishment is using as its term....Multiple Personality Disorder...

I have different personalities wrapped up in my brain...I am a little girl, a 6 yr old girl,  who has to play with toys in secret...
I am a bitter angry 19 yr old teenager...
I am a 57 yr old woman...

We have names, we have specific things we like and don't like, we have different ways of talking...we look different...two are left handed, one is right handed....we are three people in one body...
Like an egg....Shell, white and yoke, three things in one egg...

we work together as a team, for the most part...
To someone that does not really "know" me,  they would never know when I go from one personality to another, they just think that is Me...quirky, weird, whatever....

I lose time and have blocks in my day, I cannot account for...black outs....
when I am super stressed, angry, hurting myself, the teenager comes out and takes over....she calms me the fuck down and stops me from doing more damage to myself or my surroundings..she literally takes away any physical pain I have, and then erases the bad memory or action I have been in, from my memory...

when I am happy, feel safe or content, my little girl will come out and play...she is my stress relief, she puts me in an innocent mood and mindset...she is carefree and stress free....she just wants to be happy and play...

the teenager, hears, everything going on around me, all the time...the little girl sees everything going on around me all the time...they both can influence my decisions on things without my knowledge, really... for example:
             the little girl loves a certain type of potato chip,  I, on the other hand think they taste like shit....but often times while I am shopping, I end up with that bag of shitty chips...without realizing I am purchasing them.....

they also have triggers: like me:   if I am in extreme emotional or physical pain, that triggers the teenager to come out, and she will take the pain from my memory, oftentimes taking the entire event away from me, making me forget...She will go to great lengths to stop me from self-harm...she also protects my mind, by basically deciding what I can and cannot remember....

the little girl, loves toys and any type of play, she pops out if she thinks she will not be noticed...she often played with my grandsons and kids when they were small....she also tries to mimic me, she tries to be Sparrow...and only someone who really "knows me, and understands me" can see her and recognize her....others just think I am being very playful...

both girls, do not make themselves known to others, they cannot be called out and charged to do things by a stranger...like me, they have to learn to trust,  they have never trusted anyone except little kids....until now.

they also, change my facial features...my eyes darken, and my face has subtle changes, as does my voice and body movements...they are left handed, I am right handed...the little girl thinks she has red curly hair, the teenager thinks she has long straight hair and is ugly...

It has taken years for me to get to the point of talking about them,  I have someone now working with me, someone the "girls" trust and will show themselves too...I have always known about the teenager, in fact, the fucking christians thought she was a demon and tried to exorcise her from me...shit...

If you are reading this and don't understand...go back in my blog and read the little stories about two little girls...I am one of those girls...all those stories are actual things that happened to me...things my mind put away, things the little girl and the teenager shielded from me....blocked so I could be "normal"....without them, I would have grown up a much different woman....easily a serial killer or prostitute, drug addict, abusive mom, any number of things.....but those identities raised me........protected me...

I do not know a lot about them, I have no memories when they are out,  I do not know what they think or say....but I have scene videos of both of them, and it is fucking scary, yet fascinating as hell...
the person helping me has referred to them as "super hero's" because of their abilities...

I use to think I was all alone, a freak....but I now have a friend with alters,   I know of others with alters,  its amazing how many of us are really out there in the world....and we owe it all to some fucking horrible tragic event, usually in childhood...

So, there you go.....