Suicide attempt

After I was detoxed off all those fucking meds, pain management had me on, I fell hard into depression.   At the same time, an old high school friend  reconnected with me on facebook, a lot like most of my high school friends have..friends I could not remember at all...

I could not get into a neurologist (my former one closed her business for a family emergency)...I had preexisting brain tumors with complications...I needed help so bad, but could not get any, it was so frustrating.   I was having to make all the calls to try and find a doctor, I was having to deal with insurance, and I get confused so easily and this was literally freaking out my head...

I would try and tell this to my husband, but all he would do was "pray for God to get me an appointment" and tell me he could not help me while he was at work...He would not make any phone calls for me.  He was no support at all, he did nothing to try and fix the situation with doctors, nothing....

I was crashing bad with the depression, but tried to keep it light on facebook, nothing is wrong here....but my one friend, read between the lines, and called me...a conversation started...

I opened up to them about my frustrations, my depression, my suicidal ideology...and they listened...

One day,  I was done.  I could not live anymore, nobody would hear me...even when I screamed, it fell on deaf ears...

I went to the garage, made sure all doors and windows were closed...I got into my truck, closed the door, cracked a window and turned it on....turned the truck on...

While I was laying on the front seat, thinking about what message to leave on my cell phone.....it rang....the number was that friend...I could not believe the timing, so I answered the phone, just to tell them goodbye.  I was getting really tired and sleepy and they could tell something was wrong.

"Where are you/"
"In my car.."
"are you driving.."
"no"
"is the car on?"
"yes"
"where are you?"
"in the garage...."

Somehow, that friend knew to call me, that friend knew what to say, what to ask, what to do....
They talked me out of that car.  Saved my life...

My friend called a couple days later, I was still in so much pain, could get no help from the medical establishment or my husband, I was discouraged, frustrated, angry, tired and had had enough.  Suicide seemed the only answer...My friend, who worked in a hospital, knew exactly how to get me to the head of the line for help.  But to do this, they had to manipulate me, deceive me and lie to me by omission... I was led to believe, by going to the emergency room and telling them I was suicidal, I would immediately get the help I needed, something for the pain....So, stupid, ignorant, dumb ass, vulnerable me listened to them and went to the emergency room...I was taken quickly to a room, a police officer was placed by my door, and I had now became a prisoner.   I was held against my will for most of the evening until finally some type of fuck court order was signed.
I was taken by police to a treatment center (psych hospital) and held there against my will,  14 days.....

I hated my friend, saved my life only to have me committed....

I no longer hate my friend, I love my friend beyond the definition of love...

This friend saved me, from myself and continues to save me from myself daily...and the need to "save" is getting less and less frequent, because this friend is actually doing something to fix my issues, taking interest in me, pleading my case, demanding attention for me from the medical department...doing things for me my own fucking husband should have been doing, but decided to let God do it for him.and/or he was too busy at work....what a goddamn joke...

I am alive today because of my friend, I continue to live, because of my friend....thank you