another thing...

Another thing about chronic head pain and frontal lobe brain tumors and damage is they make you stupid as hell.   You become so damn gullible and easily manipulated because you just flat can't think straight, confusion is constant.  Trying to reason, or figure some things or situations out, are maddening at times...thus, you are easily used and abused and taken advantage of...

You also, fly off the handle so goddamn fast...Before you know it, you are in the midst of a shitstorm that trashes your home, and trashes your life...then you "wake up" from the craziness and go "what the fuck??"  How did that happen...?? 

All you do is apologize, for everything, all the damn time...I am sorry I said that, I am sorry I did that, threw that, smashed that, broke that, called you that, etc....my days are spent apologizing for behavior I cannot control...trying to put others at ease, trying not to offend people...omg, its fucking exhausting...

You never feel good enough, smart enough, because you know you have shit for brains...it eats at your self esteem to the point you have none left and have to rely on someone else to make you feel better....because left up to you you will never feel better.  You will tear yourself down at every fucking opportunity.   

You look in a mirror and you do not see your reflection, your face, your features,  you see a broken brain, a hideous disfigurement, a gross person...

You become the "butt" of jokes, blonde jokes...you laugh along when you really want to run and hide and cry...you experience emotions that are not normal.   Inappropriate feelings for situations...you fly off the handle like a fucking bomb and destroy everything around you...then later, quietly clean up the mess between tears and regret...

You cannot accept your "new" normal, and neither can anybody else, especially those close to you...they get offended and slink off, leaving you lonely, rejected and bitter, again.

Not to mention the chronic fucking head pain that NEVER goes away....NEVER...a constant goddamn pain that takes you to the brink of madness every day...its a fucking miracle you can even survive.

But the worst, is that you know it is just a matter of time before you destroy everything and everyone around you....because this is the new and improved you.   Thank you frontal lobe tumors...Fuck me