a doll house memory

When I was a little girl, I only had one doll, a Chrissy doll..she was my toy...not my sisters or brothers, but mine....the only toy doll I had...

I never got to play with barbies or have a barbie house...,my daughter had the barbies, their house, car, clothes, furniture the whole gambit....I had none of that growing up.

So, now as an adult, my friend decided I need to play with dolls...so we made a house for my Chrissy doll, with two separate rooms, equipped with furniture and beds.  On one side of the "house" we cut a round window for the dolls to stand and look out of....why round?  beats me, I just opted for a round window.......and I opted for bird wallpaper in one room and horse wallpaper in another.  

At my friends house, they have toys, more specifically Barbie toys, lots of barbie dolls, clothes, a three story house, car, beds, horses everything...and I can play with them any time I like....

So, I set up the 3 story play house, added a side building, like an extra wing to the house, put the garage on the side of the wing...on the other side of the house I set up a fenced area for the horses...
this little house I also made a "fun" room,  with toys and instruments for the barbies.....it was so fun setting it up, changing the clothes on the dolls....I get to be that little girl who never had fun toys to play with.....

Yesterday, we were looking at the huge complex I had made with those dolls and their stuff....it was quite magnificent...then I got this really weird Dejavu...sense..,my heart started pounding so hard and my eyes filled up with tears....

In my play, setting up the toys...I had reconstructed my Uncle's home (unconsciously) ....a home that my daddy would take me too, when I was a small child...a home that was safe, fun, that I didn't have to worry about being beat or humiliated, I could just run through the halls, up and down the stairs and play with my cousins....it was like Disneyland to me.....I never wanted to leave there....my uncle had a fun room for the kids to play in, on the top floor (a converted attic) there was a round window, stained glass window, that overlooked the horses and the pasture...I could look through the stain glass and see the horses turn different colors and shapes...so cool.....my little lost girl, deep inside me, recreated her safe place....

Often I would prop my Chrissy doll up to look out that round window cut into the little doll house at my place...she was me looking out that window watching the horses...the answer as to why we cut out a round window was answered....

Most of my childhood memories are fucking awful, and bring me nightmares and fear....but this memory...was good...wonderful...and it still brought me to tears...but this time "good tears...".