A little girls family purchased a Hot Wheels electrical race track. The dad set it up, and allowed the two girls to work the switch. It was so fun watching those little cars go round and round...The older girl, loved watching the cars go really fast, and loved it more when they flew off the track...
One day, after school, the oldest little girl came home. No one was there, She guessed the mom took little sister and little brother somewhere. So older little girl, went inside and saw the track all set up. She wanted to play with it, but she wanted to show her friend next door too. So, in a bit, the neighbor friend came over and both of them turned the racetrack on and began driving the cars around the track....
It was so fun, until it wasn't. In an attempt to put a race car back on the track, she somehow snapped a piece of the plastic track and the metal cable (which the electricity runs through to move the cars) got messed up. AND the more she tried to fix it, the broker it got. A sense of doom descended upon her. She told the friend to go home.
When mom got home, she saw what had happened and told her to go to her room and wait. She knew what that meant.
In her room, she was so scared...She couldn't play, she couldn't do anything but sit in a tight little ball on the floor and wait for her "daddy" to come home.
Daddy came home drunk. Saw the damaged track. He pulled off a long section of hard plastic track and brought it with him to the bedroom. "Did you break this?" "I told you to never touch this track"..."now how am I going to punish you.." The little girl did not answer any question, just stared at the floor.
In two long strides, Daddy was upon her and immediately she felt the track strike her along her arm and shoulder...she did not move, scream or even acknowledge she had been hit. He hit her again and again with the track...leaving long red streaks on her arms, face, shoulders and back...but still she was silent. Abruptly he stopped. He grabbed her by the hair, yanked her to her feet and dragged her into the bathroom. "Tough girl, huh?" he said to her, and then he bent her over the bathtub edge, pulled her pants down and proceeded to beat her bottom and back and thighs with the plastic track...finally, the little girl started whimpering and he stopped. He shoved her into the tub and turned on the water and walked out.
The little girl, did not cry. She noticed some of the marks were bleeding....She put her finger in the blood and wrote "dog" on her belly....She liked the blood....The blood was warm and soothing...The blood comforted her....
I've just discovered I have D.I.D. Its not easy for me or my alters. As you read these blog entries, some are by me and some are by them. Each one us expressing a moment of joy or frustration as we learn to adapt to our new life and flood of bad memories.
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