The Dilemma

So I have a huge dilemma.  

Go back on all those drugs for my depression and head shit or not.

If I go back on those drugs:
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                   My emotions will be muted.
                   I will not ever be sad, or happy.
                   I will have no sex drive, so I don't have to worry about
                   that issue.  I will no longer be able to orgasm.
                  I will start sleeping again.
                  I won't care what anyone says or does.
                  I won't feel the need to take care of myself.  
                  I won't have any desire to go places or even get dressed.
                  I will exist. I won't be able to write anymore, I will not have words in my head, or feelings to write about.
                  I will have no energy, no drive.
                  I won't care about myself, or anyone else anymore.
                  My girls will be gone...
                  The head pain will be gone.
                  I will be easier for friends and family to deal with.

If I don't go back on drugs:
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                 I will be able to feel happiness, joy, sadness, anger, I will
                    have human emotions.
                 I will have sexual desire, I will have a desire for 
                   intimacy.  A desire to be close to someone.
                 I will be able to have orgasms, to feel sex.  To feel love.
                 I will have a sense of adventure, a want to get out and do things, experience new things, have a life...
                I will also stop sleeping.
                I will have emotional outburst, rage anger, frustration.
                Every sight, sound, taste will be over the top...too loud, to strong, to nervous.
                I will be able to write, I am more creative.
                I will have energy and drive.
                I will take care of myself...grooming, eating, etc...
                My girls will be out more..
                My head will continue to hurt...
                I will be impossible to deal with, friends and family will leave me again, because my stupid fuck head shit will drive them away.

BASICALLY, I AM DAMNED IF I DO, AND DAMNED IF I DON'T.