It is the strangest thing to be jealous of yourself. How can that be?
how can I be jealous of myself spending time with someone? How can I be jealous of being happy and content, just playing with dolls...? How can I be jealous of myself???
I get angry at the time I lose...I get angry because I don't remember, I am jealous of the attention "I" get...she gets...
So, in my jealous anger rage, I strike out, destroying my own toys, my own dolls...myself. I get so angry because I want to be me, all the time...not "them". I want to be as happy and carefree as "me"..
not as some other person, identity. I am told that my identity is "who I am"...but my identity is confusing and complicated and aggravating as hell.
Watching "me" on video, is disturbing and creepy...Like some kind of time warp...listening to "me" is disturbing as well....
Not being in control of "me" is the most disturbing of all...Who is this woman/girl/child? How much of me is them?
How do I learn to not be jealous of myself...how do I learn to accept "me" all of me...
How do I learn to be normal??? How can I make "me" go away?? and live each day...the whole entire day...as a regular person..
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