Lesson Learned

So 2018 has taught me a very valuable lesson.  In fact a couple of very valuable lessons.

First:  NEVER say never.  Never say "I would never do this or that, or I would never eat this, or say that.."  

Life will change on a dime, when you least expect it, and your will be forever different, and you will eat your words...

Second:  NEVER make plans, especially in your head for something that is not in plain sight or actually happening in the present...never plan for anything...just live in the moment and take each day, minute by minute as it evolves.   If something nice and wonderful happens, great...if the day sucks or is random...then great...because you don't expect otherwise....

Third:  It is never okay to speak what I am feeling.  Especially for me...because my fuck brain confuses and exaggerates emotion to the point I am just fucking perceived as stupid and ridiculous...So, speaking on pen and paper or blog is one thing, but I have learned to never have conversation when my brain is working over time...I might as well shoot myself in the foot.  Because every word out of my mouth is garbage.

Fourth: and last, never trust yourself.  I can never trust my heart, my feelings, my anger, my love, my anything, because my fucking stupid ass brain is too messed up...it distorts reality...and is not trustworthy...


So, my New Years Resolution for 2019 is this:  Only live in today and the moment and have no expectations whatsoever...whatever evolves in a day, is reality.  The future is fiction.