A little girl once wanted something she couldn't have...
Her sibling had a rocking horse, and she was not allowed to ride it...she wanted to ride it so bad....she loved horses....she drew pictures of horses...
One day, she thought nobody was watching and she got on the horse, she started rocking back and forth, imaging she was riding a glorious horse through the fields, jumping over fences, running free and wild...happy
the "dad" caught her...he was not happy...she was not allowed on that rocking horse...but "dad" was smiling as he approached her...he approached her, popping peanuts in his mouth...
"You like that horse?"...
He reached out and started rocking the horse, gently at first, and the little girl was confused...the rocking got more violent, the little girl had trouble holding on...she started getting scared...
"don't fall off..." he said, and rocked harder and harder, more violent...she could not hold on anymore and fell off...this made the "dad" angry....
"this is what if feels like to be kicked by a horse when you fall off"..and he started kicking the little girl hard in the side...she curled up in a ball and went away to a far off place where wild horses ran free....
she never rode on a rocking horse again...she became scared of horses...she became scared of freedom...yet she did not cry....
she still drew pictures of horses.......
I've just discovered I have D.I.D. Its not easy for me or my alters. As you read these blog entries, some are by me and some are by them. Each one us expressing a moment of joy or frustration as we learn to adapt to our new life and flood of bad memories.
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