pills pills pills

Geez....about three years ago, maybe two, I don't remember exactly, but I was detoxed off of all my pain meds:

Demoral
Morphine
tramadol
anti-depressants
anti-seizure meds
anxiety pill
stomach meds, nausea pills
schitzo pill (for sleeping to shut off the violent dreams)
and whatever else I was on...I was a fucking walking pharmacy...

I had no emotions, no feelings, no desire, no happiness, no sadness, I just was....a ZOMBIE..A WALKING DEAD PERSON

Off all meds, I came alive...I started having emotions, sexual desire, more energy...I felt so happy!!!! I lost weight, I became active in running again...I felt I had a life...

Now,  I am fucking back up to 4 pills:  anxiety, diabetes pill, estrogen and pepcid...

I am fucking climbing the pill ladder again...I HATE IT...I DON'T WANT TO BE A ZOMBIE...I HATE DRUGS...I AM GONNA FIGHT MY ASS OFF TO NOT BE A ZOMBIE FUCKING PILL POPPING NON-PERSON...

I would rather just go ahead and die then go back to the "old" worthless human I was before....

sigh