Part of this brain fuck I have, is confusion...
Everyone gets confused at times, but they figure out whatever they are confused about, and go on...
ME??? I get confused, then my mind panics, every light gets too bright, every sound gets too loud, I can't think straight...I panic....
This happens all the time....ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME
Do you know how frustrating this is? Imagine living a fucking confused nightmare...even the simpliest of things can confuse and frustrate the fuck out of me....
Because I have no sense of direction...I get lost easily...that is confusing and frustrating..so I tatted left and right on my hands...
Driving, I use a WAZE app to get me around...that helps....I could not drive anywhere without the app...that helps...
But inside a Mall or huge building, the WAZE app does not work, left and right does not work...it is like I am in cornfield maze...all the stores look alike, all the rooms look alike...nothing looks familiar...I get turned around, and end up walking in fucking circles...DO YOU KNOW HOW MADDENING THAT IS!!!!
The noise and lighting in buildings fuck with my head..they seem magnified a thousand times...the crowds of people become suffocating to me...confusion sets in....
I try to laugh it off, poke fun at myself...but inside I just want to curl up and cry...curl up and die...
I am becoming such a burden for myself and others...such a headache...I hate being NEEDY...I HATE MY FUCK BRAIN....
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