Frustration!!!

shit....frustration is real!!!

I get so frustrated, so easily, so fast...even the simplest tasks can leave me, shaking, angry, disoriented, irritated...

  My brain works in slow motion, at times, whereas I use to could do things without thinking about it..ie..pick up a coffee cup..now often times I go to pick something up and my brain does not tell my hand to grab hold tight, and I end up dropping shit all the time..I go to walk around a table, thru a door way, whatever and I cut the corner too soon and bang myself...my perephial vision is getting worse...my memory, oh shit...I can go to the store in the morning, and by evening I can't remember if I went to the said store, yesterday or last week or this morning...I say or do things and immediately it is gone from my head..

I can no longer tell my left from my right hands...which has been a real bitch trying to drive around a new strange environment...I have gotten lost many times because my WAZE app will say "turn right or turn left and I don't know which is which....so, I now have a "L" and a "R" tattooed on my hands so when I am  holding the steering wheel, I can see which way to turn....

with this brain injury, I do not have control with the progression of my symptoms...I just have to accept them and adapt...which is in and of itself very irritating too...I feel so stupid so much of the time...I know I am not stupid,   but this brain injury, tumors and shit make me stupid...literally a dumb blonde...

I try and learn new things, but immediately forget them...I say things, do things, and forget...I get angry and fly into a rage at the slightest provocation...if I could just calm down...but it is impossible to be calm when your brain is fighting, there is a fucking riot going on in my left frontal lobe, and good brain tissue is slowly being overtaken by the brain tumors, fellow inmates...

I will never be free of this prison, until I am finally executed...