Hurt vs Hurting

HURT VS HURTING

How to describe "hurt"
cuts, bruises, broken bones..."hurt"

Sadness, abandonment, betrayal, fear.."hurting"
One thing, to be "hurt"
another, to be "hurting"

My tears fall, when I am "hurting"
I don't cry, when I am "hurt"..

My heart is "hurting" because I am walking
away from a life I no longer scant remember,
walking away from familiar strangers...

My heart is "hurting" because I have no choice..
the only way to curb the pain, is to go away
go and make new memories to replace the ones that have left me..


This is NOT easy for me...If anyone thinks this is...think again..
I have to put my "hurting" first..
Its time...I have been hurting for years, literally...

I wonder what it will be like to not be "hurting" anymore.. The fucking Christian religion says to put God first, then others then yourself....

God, betrayed me...God betrays his people..Supposedly I was one of his people...yet, he didn't give a fuck to heal me or whatever..
I guess he has his favorites and obviously, I am not one of them.

Which is fine with me...I don't need the fucking Christian guilty conscience "hurting" me..I hurt enough...

I have put others first my entire life...protecting my siblings from a monster stepfather...trying to please others, I gave my husband 35 yrs of my life..I put him first, then the kids..somewhere along the way, God...in his infinite wisdom, decided to punish me for all my years of putting others first...Well, guess what??  I am done trying to please God, and others...If I want to stop "hurting" then I come first...Sparrow is worthy of not being hurt...She matters, and she is tired of "hurting"...

I will not apologize anymore...I am determined to stop "hurting"...