God, being a fucking head case is such hard work...I am tired of people telling me "you are choosing to be this way or that" that some things I "suffer" from are not real, but just "acting out" or "faking it"....I know that some people are just ignorant or do not understand so therefore they deny....I know that I am mentally deteriorating, going more and more into my head..I cannot control this depression, I cannot control her, I cannot control my thoughts or actions..my anger explodes into rage at the drop of a hat...my eyes well up with tears that are reluctant to fall...
If I could cry
I would cry so easily..
I can't cry
so I just ache...
I ache for tears
I ache for emotional release
I ache to feel...
But, I am all locked up
the door to my heart
slammed shut,
bolted, chained, sealed
so tears
cannot be found,
tears cannot escape..
Tears and pain
pound on my hearts door
begging to be free,
longing to run
but they are shackled
to that forever ache...
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