thoughts in my head

If I could think..
What would I think..
If I could feel,
what would I feel?
If I could love..
what would I love?

What would I give?
If I could give...
My heart?  my soul? my body?
What is that worth?
I wonder......

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Sometimes I know that everything about me is wrong,
my happiness, is wrong...
My feelings and emotions...
all wrong.
I am trapped, tied up, shackled to a person
I no longer am...
Do I have a future?
Or am I forever dependent..
Brain cancer has destroyed
the woman, made me a child...
in need of  care?
NO NO NO..let me go!
Please, let me go....

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My head reacts abnormally..
It thinks in 3D...abstract...confusion..
It smells colors, sees the wind...hears the trees...
my head cries when no one is looking...