Puzzles/Focus

with this stupid brain fuck I have, my memories are either gone forever, or they try to pop in at the weirdest moments.  Its like my life is a series of puzzle pieces that are lost so the puzzle can never be finished...but I will find a piece here and there...

Puzzles

I try to put the pieces of my life together
when I am almost done, I  find one missing
nothing like living a puzzle
that can never be fully completed
I sometimes search under memories
and behind experiences, but the pieces elude me
I hear the rain against the window
so soft and hypnotic, I close my eyes, dream..
In the back of my mind, I get a glimpse
of the missing memory
If I could only reach and grab it
but the dream is too far
reality wakes me, and I am left feeling empty
alone, sad, my life dismembered
by  paths of shame that have robbed me of completeness
never to be whole, always searching
for puzzle pieces, to a lost cause..

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Focus

the pain, huge hands
around my neck, squeezing
playing with my emotions
lay in agony, lay in pleasure,
cries that never cease
I can't breathe, no intake..
struggling against hysteria.
let go, it hurts, I am hurting...
can't think, focus
feel the pain, don't cry out
silent screams, silent agony, silent joy....