This is how I NOW feel about prayer...
If only prayer healed,
don't ya think I would try it?
Nothing heals a wounded brain..
not pills/drugs
not acupuncture
not massage, or herbal suppliments
not surgery, not counseling
not fucking positive thoughts
not sheer will, and definitely
not prayer...
My brain is beyond repair, like a disfigured burn victim
forever scarred, rough, hairless, hard to look at...
that is my brain...Yet you cant see the damage, the scars,
its not obvious...Don't ya think if a one armed man, wanted his arm
back, and prayer worked the arm would grow back??
NO
no matter how hard he prays, or how many people are praying for him,
it would just not happen...
Prayer is just wasted breath...
So I will not waste my time and energy believing in something
that just won't happen, a fucking physical impossibility
and I will focus my energy on 'serving others" and trying to get
through the day...alive..
I cannot promise tomorrow will be there for me, it may be the day
I end it-not because I want to, but because my scarred brain is just too
tired and weary and wanting to say goodbye..
the pain, confusion, and riot of my life pushes me to die...
Any given day is a crap shoot,
a walk in a land mine..
which step, will be my last...
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